Changes in 2014!

Yes, I know I keep spacing out my blogging time with this blog.  But I promise myself and my current non existent audience that I will make the effort to release out my thoughts and emotions more often on a consistent basis.  :-)p

Right now, I feel a bit stuffed and overloaded.  I ate too much shrimp with broccoli egg foo young (one of my favorite Chinese food dishes) and drunk too much Dr. Pepper pop (soda).   It's a beautiful day, and I am in a much better mood and place than I had been since the last time I blogged.  I am as usual in a transitional stage as I have been since I graduated from high school 10+ years ago.  The question is...When am I going to get it together?   By now I'm definitely wiser.  I'm also more spiritually aligned with myself and my core values.  However, I have a few weeks to figure what my next major move is.  Will I renew the lease to my place that I've been residing at for the past 5 years and remain in the same city/region I've been residing for the past 12 years?  Or will I do something totally different than anything I've ever done in the present and past for the sake of a better, brighter, more exciting future?  I'm leaning towards change.  But I want meaningful change.  To now choose to live with purpose for a more fulfilling future starting with the present, instead for the moment for the sake of survival. 

Living in the moment for the sake of survival, is what I like many in this world of modern society have done for so long.  But it's no longer acceptable or enough to me.  I have been just going through with the motions of life, instead of really living it with the intent to do something that will mean more to me than just making sure I have a roof over my head and the security of knowing the bills are going to get paid.  I still desire security and comfort.  But I don't want to live in fear that my choices are solely based on the idea that I need to be able to survive in this world.  I want to live and exist for more than to just survive as that ideal and way of living is so empty.  I want to live with a purpose.  With the will and desire to contribute something meaningful to society and to live out my passions for my own fulfillment as well.

I always heard growing up (this is a societal flaw, not just one that my parents and family has), that following your true hearts desire and passions is nothing more than a pipe dream and a one way ticket to poorville.
I carried that baggage with me as the heaviest burden any young person could be daunted to suffer with for many years in my earlier youth into adulthood.  The "poor" mindset held me back in life as I have seen it did to many others in my generation as well.  It left me feeling hopeless, depressed and poverty minded for so long.  It's a battle I have been fighting for many years, and one that I feel I have finally overcome.  So now my only concern is how do I go about getting on my right path in life so that I can start living a fulfilling life with purpose instead of living an empty lie.  Meditation is a process that I have been using as a tool to help me in this process.  Sound therapy through guided meditations and sound therapy tracks help as well.  Prayer is a great contributor too.

I want to be able to escape the burdens of having to worry about paying bills, rent, and so forth.  I don't want to live with these types of burdens fueling the choices I make and causing stress, tension, and anxiety through taking a job I don't like/can't stand just to survive.  These days in a bad economy it seems many have to make such a tough choice and sacrifice.  But I have always had to make such tough choices and sacrifices for as long as I can remember to survive, pay my bills, and live for the next day, week, month, year.  All these years have gone by and I find myself feeling unfulfilled, empty, and like I have no purpose in life.  I started feeling like I should cave in and have kids the same way I felt I should cave in and marry, just to feel like I am doing something that will add value, purpose and most of all security to my life.  But this was not the antidote to my depression.  It is merely only another way of just living to survive.  I choose to live with purpose and do more than just survive.  I want to flourish, be happy, and feel truly fulfilled in everything that I do from this point on.  None of this is crazy talk. It's just real.  People need to be true to themselves in order to truly feel comfort and security in this world.  IT ANNOYS ME WHEN SOCIETY PRESSURES PEOPLE  (ESPECIALLY YOUTH) TO MAKE CHOICES THAT DO NOT REFLECT THEIR TRUE PURPOSE IN LIFE, BUT RATHER THE PURPOSE OF SOCIETY AND WHAT IT VALUES.